101 Ways To Be An Idiot: Chapter 5

So I woke up this morning without being awake.

Using sheer will alone, I managed to muster enough energy to lumber into the bathroom.

Still with my eyes wide shut, basic instinct took control as I attempted to bathe myself.

The bath was quite a success and it was then time for my facial wash.

I thought to myself, "Oh come on, I managed to get to the bathroom, bathe, and dry myself all with my eyes closed. It's just a facial wash, maybe I can sleep through this too..."

I proceeded to reach for the tube with my right hand and squeezed the paste into my left palm.

Then, I started to rub the paste between my palms in a circular motion.

Lastly, I applied the paste onto my beautiful face.

Nothing wrong up till this moment right?

Yeah nothing was wrong...

UNTIL I FELT THIS BURNING SENSATION ON MY FACE!

I tried to open my eyes a little to take a look at the tube of paste I just used.

Despite my face feeling like it caught on fire, my brain worked in slo-mo.

C...O...L...G...A...T...E...

COLGATE?!? Wasn't my facial wash supposed to be spelled as NIVEA?

OH MY GOD I SQUEEZED THE TUBE OF TOOTHPASTE INSTEAD OF THE TUBE OF FACIAL WASH.

I tried to douse the flames with the running tap.

I was even this close to dipping my entire head into the toilet bowl and taking a flush.

Alright, allow me to explain before all of you smart- asses go like, "Haha! Serves you right for wanting to sleep so much! None of this would have happened if you weren't so lazy!"

You have to understand that sleep is an especially important aspect of life to a fit and healthy man such as myself. I live by the mantra: "Sleep whenever we can, however we can." Otherwise, how else do we find the limitless energy needed to tackle Life's never-ending challenges?

So after this small little incident, I decided to add a little extra bit to my mantra.

"Sleep whenever you can, however you can. Maybe except not during facial wash time."

Just another chapter in... 101 Ways To Be An Idiot.