101 Ways To Be An Idiot: Chapter 4!

HURRAY! Everyone's favourite segment is back by popular demand! Once again, it's time for more laughs and mishaps...

So I was at Jurong Point with my baobei yesterday and had just devoured the Thai Combo Set at Bentobox. The food was great, but the lethal combination of Tom Yum Soup and Ice Lemon Tea proved too much for my teeny-weeny bladder to handle.

Therefore after the meal, I rushed to the toilet and went straight to the urinal like a homing missile locked onto its target. I was just beginning to unleash my wrath into the urinal, when a burly man took up his position in front of the urinal just beside mine.

At first I was kinda uneasy to notice that he was standing about 30 cm away from the urinal when he begun his own assault in the urinal. Alright. Up until this point in time, nothing seems to be awfully wrong right?

Although I did not foresee the repercussions of his long range artillery attack, I certainly felt it in the next second.

HIS FREAKING PISS REBOUNDED OFF THE WALLS OF THE URINAL AND A MIST OF WARM HUMAN JUICE SETTLED ONTO MY LEFT LEG!!!

I WAS TOTALLY CAUGHT OFF GUARD!!!

My response mechanism immediately kicked in. The bladder automatically shut down my internal piping system and my legs carried me to the urinal 2 units away. Then, I turned my attention over to the burly man, stared in his direction and braced myself for his apology.

He didn't even seemed to have noticed the disaster that had happened to me! Perhaps he was too concentrated on his training to break some sort of twisted Guinness World Record.

Like a cooling breeze that brought away the dew drops upon the leaves, so too was the air-conditioner, which was fast drying up the piss that was held by the fine coat of hair that grew on my legs. After giving a last burst of fire before I headed into a cubicle where I grabbed and pulled furiously for toilet paper to wipe away the vile concoction on my beautiful leg.

I learnt a valuable lesson from this. That is, if you notice someone standing 30cm (or more) away from the urinal just beside yours, turn and run for your life.

Just another chapter in... 101 Ways To Be An Idiot.



P.S. I started from Chapter 4 onwards because in the previous incarnation of this blog, I stopped at Chapter 3. If you want to read the previous chapters, just mail me $5 and I will email those chapters to you. Thank you and have a nice day!