The Nonsensical Adventures of Your Everyday Average Oddball.

The Emancipation of Mimi!

2008-08-25T15:10:00.009+08:00

Oh well, my baobei's 21st party has come and gone. Here's my reflections on the event!

For her, I think it was a whirlwind trip of roller-coasting emotions. Up in the heavens one moment, down in the dumps the very next.

Right from her accidental glance of the birthday blog, confirming and reassuring her doubts that there was indeed some sort of party in the making. I have to add that normally my baobei isn't that particular about how her birthdays are celebrated, but I know deep in her heart she wanted her 21st birthday to be a very special one.

So there she was, eagerly anticipating and counting down of the days to come, even going as far as baking cookies of gratitude for everyone who would attend this supposedly "surprise" birthday party of hers.

Fast-forward to a day before 23rd August 2008, when I had no choice but to lie.

"I didn't manage to reserve a place to hold the party for you."

"Not only that, I can't even celebrate your 21st with you alone because my Grandma's birthday falls on the same day! My Mum insists that I join in the family celebration."

Crushing her hopes and listening to her subsequent sobbing wasn't something particularly easy for me to do, but nonetheless my hand, or rather my mouth, was forced. I had to come up with something to keep the party a surprise!

Then, the big day finally arrived. I collaborated with her sisters and they brought her to the scene of the crime. She was literally frozen over with shock, plain and apparent for all to witness. Soon enough, she recovered sufficiently to smile and mingle around with all her friends who came to celebrate the emancipation of mimi and shower her with their well wishes.

Mimi in the state of shock!

All in all, I think it was safe to say that baobei's birthday bash was a great success! It was my virgin experience organising a party like this, but I'm glad that I managed to learn something about event management through practice.

From concept creation to actual execution, from logistics planning to venue decoration, I've had a hand in all of those. Although it hasn't always been easy (with the transition into University and adjustment to my Hall life), it is all worth it at the end of the day as long as I manage to make her smile!

Some of the beautiful pictures that were taken:

Bearhugz!

Sisters!

34th Generation!

The MMs. (Omg! Even Matthew starts with M!)

First and foremost, a big THANK YOU to M&M (No, not the milk chocolate that melts in your mouth not in your hands. I meant Marco And Mavis!) for coming with me to check the place out!

Following up, I would like to give special thanks to brother RJ who sacrificed precious time to accompany me for decor-shopping!

Next, a big shout-out to Yida, Marco, Sk, Heng and Kenny for their help in putting up all the decorations! I wouldn't be able to do all that on my own... Thank you brothers!

Also I would like to thank each and everyone of my baobei's friends who came down for the party! She made a comment about how she never knew she had so many good and close friends. You guys made her feel loved in a way she has never felt before! Thank you dear friends!

Last but not least, my sincere gratitude to the friendly staff of The Tea Party for making the party possible to begin with! It really was a comfortable place with a warm ambience. They actually serve a wide range of tea (Hence, their name.) and scrumptious pasta too! So be sure to try it the next time you are there!

We had a mini After-Party at Wala Wala after the birthday bash. There were lots of booze and dirty secrets! Well what can I say, don't forget our MAMBO DATE on Wednesday 24th September 2008! Looking forward to it! =D

A toast to everyone!

P.S.: If anyone of you are interested in seeing the scrapbook that I made for Mimi, you can ask her about it, I'm sure she'll be more than happy to show it to you! =P

Checking In... To University Life!

2008-07-30T19:19:00.014+08:00

I'm back from Hall Camp!

Well, Jim and I took our leave early because of various stuff that we had on. Even though I'm considerably less occupied than Jim in terms of scheduling conflicts, I figured that I've got quite a few issues at hand that I'd like to settle before officially starting my life in NTU.

Besides there's no reason for me to be there if Jim isn't there right? *insert your gay taunts here*

So anyways, we checked into our hall on Monday afternoon, lugging along big and small packages alike. In case you don't know, we're assigned to Hall 16, AKA THE HALL WITH AIRCON!

I've never been to or seen Hall 16 ever before in my life, but I've been to some of the other halls in NTU. Run-down, dirty, and really really old are just some of the nicer words I can use to describe them.

Therefore, I guess it was acceptable for me to go "OMG WE HIT THE JACKPOT!" when I first laid eyes on our new home. My initial impression was a healthy mix of awe and thankfulness if you ask me. From the outside, our hall looks clean and modern, much like some sort of condominium block.

16C, that's our block!

So after signing a few documents and collecting our keys (which happen to come in the form of CARDS, isn't that like UBER-COOL?), we began the arduous journey to get to our room on the 3rd floor of Block 16C. Not that it was a really difficult task to get there, given the fact of the existence of a certain mechanical wonder called the LIFT.

Our keycards! One for the gate, one for our room!

We got to our room, and boy, did it lived up to expectations. It's really very spacious in there, and there was a lot of room to move about. Jim and I were even contemplating to rearrange the beds into a L-shape so that we can set up a mahjong table right in the center of the room. Exciting prospect isn't it?

Welcome to our room!

Also, the study table is super long and wide! I think it isn't a problem to fit 3 or even 4 muggers there. So the next time you need a place to study in NTU, and there isn't proper comfortable place to mug, you are welcomed to look for us in our room! (Please note that you should knock before barging in, wouldn't want you to see anything that you don't want to see. Hiak hiak.)

The Palace of Wisdom!

The beds are super-comfy to sleep on! I probably got the best sleep ever in the 2 nights that I spent there. (Ok I know that it is theoretically impossible to get the best sleep two times in a row, but hey, King-Koil beds do miracles. Ask jim!)

My bed!

Jim's bed!

Geez, I really should stop raving about how good the place is. So let me just leave you with some more photos that I took randomly...

A photo I took from the link-bridge.

The wonderful view that greets us from out of the window!

Our gigantic wardrobe!

The freakn Sun in the Universe that is our room.

In case the Air-Conditioner breaks down.

P.S. The place looks so clean because my baobei came over to help us tidy up the room! Thank you baobei! What would I do without you? <3

Sanity in Insanity?

2008-07-20T01:51:00.011+08:00

Whoa, I just caught The Dark Knight with baobei and we both agreed the movie's a total head-trip! No doubt, this movie gave me a fresh introspect into humans in general.

I will not be elaborating on the actual plot so you can read on with the peace of mind that whatever is written below will not spoil your movie experience.

I gotta say, aside from the usual big-bangs and catastrophic clashes, it's one helluva captivating show that's packed with intelligent dialogue. The interaction between Batman and Joker alone more than justified the ticket price for me. The more you ponder upon their banter, the more you will realise just how smart and ironic the story actually is.

After watching the movie, I can safely conclude that the main antagonist (The Joker, in his fullest deepest darkest glory) seemed to have only one genuine aim in his intricately-complicated mind, and that is to prove that each and every human is just as crazy as he is. That people can never truly follow a moral code of conduct or live by the rules. That everyone bends and breaks when they are pushed to some point. That in reality, the law and order that mankind tries so hard to achieve is nothing but a big fat hypocritical lie.

What I find most scary is that I can actually empathize with the Joker. At first, I thought he was just some lunatic who went around killing people just because it was funny to him. But as the movie progressed, he started to turn my world upside down. His ideologies slowly sank into my mind and I began to understand just where he was coming from.

So the question is, just how far does one have to be pushed before moral codes do not matter anymore? Apparently, it's not too far given Singapore's context. Boarding passengers who completely block off the exit of the MRT just so they can be the first to enter, albeit with some pushing and shoving all at the alighting passengers' expense. People who act like a mighty lion but when faced with someone of a higher status, his/her attitude does an instant 180 and he/she suddenly turned into a submissive little mouse. Families who are financially stable lying about their state, just so they can get hold of funds intended to assist the needy. These are just to name some of the few cases that I can grab off the top of my head.

I really would like to think that most people are good-hearted and morally-upright, like how I used to. However, these recent episodes have led me to believe otherwise. The Joker might just be much more sane than anyone of us. Pretty ironic huh?

On a side note, Heath Ledger's Joker was epic. It was an INSANE performance, you gotta give him MAD props (Haha... I just couldn't resist). In my opinion, he wasn't just merely portraying the character, he became The Joker. To be honest, with all the hype built up from his death, this final act of his was one of the main reasons why I wanted to watch The Dark Knight so badly. Not surprisingly, his performance exceeded all expectations. It was certainly a fitting curtain-call for such a fine actor. If anything, it only made me regret even more that such an immense talent had to pass at such a young age.

Let me just end this entry with one last irony. I read from Wikipedia that to prepare for the role as The Joker, Heath Ledger isolated himself by living alone in a hotel room for a whole month. Throughout this time, he tried to get into The Joker's psychology and kept a diary on how The Joker might think or feel. In a seperate interview which he did after filming has concluded, Heath Ledger commented that his role in The Dark Knight had caused sleeping problems, that his body was exhausted but his mind was still going. The official story on his death was that he overdosed on common prescriptions that are used to deal with insomnia, anxiety and depression.

Maybe, JUST MAYBE, Heath Ledger delved too deep into the twisted mindset of The Joker and it took its toll on him... and eventually his life too.

101 Ways To Be An Idiot: Chapter 7

2008-07-05T21:53:00.010+08:00

So I was heading home after a long and hard day at work. As I walked towards Yew Tee MRT Station, I plugged in my Silver iPod and start blasting some rock'n music to de-stress.

I gotta say that when I listen to music, especially those that I like, I get transformed into the coolest person on this planet. I jam, rock, head-bang to the co-ordinated sounds at no end. I practically immerse and drown myself in my world of music.

Arrived at the platform and I looked up at the LCD Panel Display. 8 Minutes. "Cool bananas.", I thought to myself. See, told you I'm the coolest person on this planet... FOR ABOUT 8 MINUTES.

Until I noticed the train coming from the distance.

Until I stepped forward closer to The Yellow Line.

Until I RAISED MY FREAKN HAND AND FLAGGED FOR THE FREAKN MRT.

That's just pure freakn genius.

Don't ask me why I did it. I DON'T KNOW.

You know the old saying that goes, "Music makes you forget your worries." Seems like it throws your common sense straight out the window too.

So the next time you plug in that evil music-playing-device, just remember to be very very very careful.

Just another chapter in... 101 Ways To Be An Idiot.

Mac Attack!

2008-06-23T22:41:00.008+08:00

I'm sure a lot of you would've known by now that I recently bought myself a MacBook...

My Precious...

Well, I wouldn't say it's a good idea to buy a MacBook right now because if tech-rumours are to be believed, Apple will be announcing the release of revamped MacBook designs sometime later on this year. (Damn you Jim! You just had to tell me right after I bought my MacBook isn't it?! Grrr. )

In any way, I'm not regretting my decision to get my MacBook early. My reasons being that:

1) Being a Microsoft Windows user for my entire life, I need to allow myself some leeway to learn how to be effective in Mac OS X, which is the operating system for Apple computers. Figured it'd be total blasphemy to own a Mac and not know how to use it to its maximum capabilities.

2) It got to a point where it became just too difficult for me to resist its uber-coolness anymore longer. I couldn't eat, couldn't sleep, couldn't breathe, couldn't live. I...MUST...BUY...IT... Okok... I'll admit this is not such a valid reason. But hey, everyone's inner child need to be satisfied sometimes.

I know I maybe quite the sensational reporter. However, I'm not really exaggerating when I say that the MacBook is a laptop that blends technology with design oh-so-seamlessly. (Seriously, I mean it.) You can tell that the guys over at Apple really went out of their way to place emphasis on the style and cool-factor. The best part about it all is that the MacBook is not only pretty to look at on the outside, the interior packs quite a punch too.

Alright, for now I'm going to highlight 3 personal discoveries that makes the MacBook stand out from the other laptops for me.

The first ever thing that really impressed me was when I first set up the MacBook. While connecting the power supply, I was pleasantly surprised to find that both the end of the power cable and the power port of the MacBook was magnetic! Meaning that you just have to place the end of the power cable somewhere near the port and *POOF* it will magically connect all on its own. This was just one of the examples of their user-oriented approach.

Next, the lively interface of the Mac OS X will blow you away. It's so different from the dead and rigid Windows that we are grew so accustomed to. With the Mac OS X, you will see icons jumping up and down vying for your attention, the dock (known as taskbar in Windows) scrolls and magnifies icons that you hoover over, and with just a press on the keyboard you will be given a neat overview of all your open windows for your viewing pleasure, just to name some of the cool functionalities packed into Apple's OS of choice. You probably may think to yourself, "Oh come on, that's just some fanciful crap. I don't need that." All I can say is that you have to try it for yourself. You'll realise how much more enjoyable it makes to your computing experience.

Lastly, the MacBook is in-built with a Sudden-Motion-Sensor. The primary purpose of this sensor is to detect any sudden movement (or drops for that matter) and prepare the relatively fragile hard disk for impact. In other words, it's a data protection system. It doesn't just stop at that, this motion-sensing capabilities can also be leveraged by applications such as iAlertU which is a free security program for your MacBook. Ok let me give you a scenario, say you are at Mcdonald's and you want to buy an Extra Value Meal. You are alone and you can't possibly lug your MacBook with you all the way to the counter. What do you do? Have no fear, you just have to arm your MacBook with iAlertU and leave it at its place. Anyone who tries to move the laptop (shakes) will trigger off a maximum volume alarm and iSight (MacBook's in-built webcam) will even take a snapshot of the would-be thief. Pretty cool huh. From what I read, you can even play games using the motion sensor technology on your MacBook! (I'm so gonna try that out soon.)

Therefore you see, all these nitty-gritty stuff will not be possible if the design team didn't have the end-user in mind. It's exactly this drive to satisfy all of our little whims and needs that allows Apple to create a laptop that stands out from other brands.

So I say there's a whole new world out there! Throw all your restrictions and inhibitions into the wind, and just ride the Apple wave man. You won't regret it. Ever.

Why do I sound like I'm getting aroused. I should probably stop here, I'm beginning to picture my future self as a salesperson in the Apple Store.

P.S: He was also the sole reason why I haven't been posting as actively, was playing around with him too much... Argh! His ruining my life...

My Most Exciting Day At Work Ever.

2008-06-03T11:32:00.015+08:00

Ok, I would like to start off this entry by first confessing that I dislike cockroaches. Not afraid, scared, terrified or whatever. How can I, such a manly man, be afraid of such a small thing right? There's absolutely no truth in rumours that I'm scared of cockroaches. No truth at all I tell you.

I just don't like these creepy crawlies and I want to stay way away from them. There's just something about their dark exoskeleton, glistening wings, long flexible feelers, and prickly legs that sends shivers down my spine.

Throughout my 22 years, Mommy was the one who protected me against these detestable pests. Whenever I come across a cockroach, I would run to her like a little boy and tell her where I last saw the creature. (Most of the time, this happened in the dead of the night. Poor Mommy... I'm sorry!)

Mommy would grab hold of a plastic bag, flip it inside out, and put it over her right hand, much like a glove. Next, she would track down the unfortunate fellow using her vast knowledge of their species' behavioural traits and with one fell swoop of her hand, catch the cockroach before proceeding to tie the plastic bag up in a knot and disposing of it. Her each and every movement reeked of awesomeness.

Anyways this morning, innocent me was sitting in the office doing my work as usual when suddenly I heard a shriek, "Eee! Got cockroach!" My very first reaction was to let out a similar shrill and jump up upon my seat. But I was supposed to be calm and composed, so I somehow managed to suppress myself enough from acting like a little girl. If that wasn't scary enough, the next thing I heard was the real shocker, "Scotty! Come and catch the cockroach!"

OH NOES. Your ever-reliable friendly neighbour superhero was being called into action. I was this close to ripping my clothes into shreds to reveal my superhero costume... until I remembered I'm not wearing any underneath.

Blame it all on my luck being the only man in the office! I was left with little choice but to reply with a meek, "Ok, no problem." Images of Mommy in action during her cockroach hunts super-sped through my head. I was trying to emulate how she did it through memory power alone.

I reached for the plastic in my sling bag and wore it like a Cockroach Hunter's Glove. At this point in time, my female colleagues had already evacuated to the other side of the office. Which was good for me because they wouldn't be close enough to see my trembling.

I crept carefully towards the scene of the crime, and slowly opened the cupboard where the roach was last seen. I was really cautious not to make any sudden movements for fear that the cockroach would fly straight into my face, or worse, into my mouth. That's really a prospect I did not want to explore.

There my nemesis was, perched upon the side of the cupboard with her feelers twitching around as if she was issuing a "Come Get Some" challenge to me. How do I know it's a her? Because right at the end of her big fat ass was a case of eggs, wherein lies millions of cockroach babies. I knew I had to destroy her to save the world. I stared at her and she stared back, this stand-off lasted a few minutes. (Partly, because I was still mustering courage to make a move.)

While I was still bogged down with hesitance, Queen Cockroach made her first move. She started dashing towards the nearest exit at an amazingly high speed. Luckily, I was able to match that and I managed to block her route. I launched my own counter-attack and tried to grab her with my gloved hand. I'm quite sure I got her in my grasp, but somehow she squirmed out and jumped into a roll of tape.

Luckily, my eyes were following her each and every movement. I instinctively covered the top of the roll of tape with my hand and then wrapped the plastic bag around it. Now, I faced yet another problem...

HOW AM I GOING TO GET THE ROLL OF TAPE OUT AND MAKE SURE THE QUEEN COCKROACH DOESN'T COME JUMPING OUT TOO?

The only way I could think of was to hold her with my fingers while the other hand remove the tape from bag. It's pretty disgusting to have a cockroach struggling between your fingers, all the while making the irritating plastic bag sounds. *Shudders*

After I successfully removed the roll of tape, I re-secured the plastic bag and dump it into the bin outside. (Figured it would be quite stupid to torture myself by dumping it into the rubbish bin in the office and hear that non-stop plastic bag noise. *Shudders again*)

So that concludes my most exciting day at work to date. I'm a blooded cockroach-hunter now... Just don't ask me to do it again. Thanks.

101 Ways To Be An Idiot: Chapter 6

2008-05-28T11:13:00.007+08:00

So a few days ago I woke up late and left my house in a mad rush, literally running late for work.

As I was half-sprinting towards the bus-stop, I could vaguely hear the familiar roaring of bus service 145's engine. (Yes, I'm so finely tuned to my neighbourhood that I can differentiate the bus services just by listening to the engine alone.)

To my extreme horror, the sound was getting fainter which only meant that the bus was leaving the bus-stop.

Natural instincts injected a fresh dose of adrenaline through my legs as I powered my way forward.

Sadly, even though I managed to smash the World Record for the event "100m Bus-Stop Sprint", I was rewarded with a sight of probably the only butt in the world which I hate to see, THE BUTT OF MY BUS.

"Bus-ket!" (I know it's lame, but I couldn't help it.)

And thus I began my lonely wait for the next bus in the very empty bus-stop.

Seriously, waiting for the bus at a bus-stop devoid of the working crowd at 8.30am on a normal weekday makes you feel like an ultra-loser.

Five minutes passed, there was no sign of the bus.

Ten minutes passed, the bus hasn't came yet but more and more people began to stream into the bus-stop.

Fifteen minutes passed, still no sign of the bus but the bus-stop was once again populated with life.

The bus finally made its grand appearance on the 20th minute of my wait.

Apparently, I was one of the first few to have noticed that the bus.

Being the kiasu Singaporean that I am, I plotted and schemed to put myself at the front of the pack.

Oh, how proud was I when I somehow managed to attain the coveted position.

Next I sank my hand into my pocket, ready to whip out my trusty EZ-Link card.

To my extreme horror *insert paramount sense of déjà vu here* ...

MY EZ-LINK WASN'T IN MY POCKET!

I desperately dug around my pocket but all I could feel were MY BALLS.

I LEFT THE CARD ON MY TABLE BACK AT HOME OMFG!

Imagine my embarassment when I had to squeeze and claw my way out of the crowd behind me and head back home for my EZ-Link card.

Bah, why didn't I checked for my EZ-Link card throughout the whole 20 minutes while I was waiting for the bus?!

I could have went home and get back like 5 times and STILL make it in time for the bus.

I ended up having to take a cab down to my workplace.

This whole episode wasted 20 minutes of my life, and $7.50 of my hard-earned money.

Just another chapter in... 101 Ways To Be An Idiot.

MoREAL Courage.

2008-05-20T10:39:00.014+08:00

I was sending my baobei home yesternight and we were waiting for our bus at the bus bay. Everything went along fine and our bus eventually arrived. We were preparing to board the bus when we noticed quite a commotion occurring ahead of our queue. Curiosity then pressed us to probe further into what was actually happening.

There was this guy (probably a foreign worker) in the opposite queue who was leaning way backwards on the support railing. His body appeared to be straightened and stiff like a plank of wood. His eyes were rolled back and his face was covered in sweat.

"What's happening to this man?"

"What can I do to help him?"

"Is there a need to help him?"

I thought to myself over and over again. I even tried to replay the CPR course from my Army days in my head. A barrage of afterthoughts soon followed.

As I approached him, my mind went into a complete blank. I froze when it was time for action. Ultimately, I didn't do anything to help. I just avoided him and went on to board the bus.

As I stood on the bus and watched person after person pass by this man without rendering help, an immense sense of guilt and regret overcame me. I knew what was the right thing to do, but I didn't act on it. I've always thought of myself as someone who is not your typical unfeeling Singaporean, someone who cares about the people around him, someone who would always be the first to lend a helping hand.

Sadly, as I realized yesternight, that was just fantasy on my part. It wasn't reality. I do not possess the moral courage to do what was right. I'm just a coward, one who was seriously disappointed in himself.

I know it's easy to stand back and blame other people for not helping, but if everyone were to do that then will there actually be someone stepping forward to render assistance?

I did some research on my own after the incident to find out what are the steps to undertake should I encounter a similar situation in the future. From my readings, I suspect that the man was suffering a seizure.

A seizure is a temporary abnormal electro-physiologic phenomenon of the brain, resulting in abnormal synchronization of electrical neuronal activity. Put simply, a seizure causes a person to lose control of their body movement or function, sensation, awareness or behaviour. It can last for several seconds to status epilepticus, which is a continuous seizure that will not stop without intervention.

First aid for seizures include not letting the person fall awkwardly and placing the person in an area free of sharp or dangerous objects. This is done to prevent injuries. The person should not be restrained in any way nor should there be any attempt to put something into the mouth. It is not necessary to call an ambulance if the person is known to have epilepsy, if the seizure is shorter than five minutes and is typical for them, if it is not immediately followed by another seizure, and if the person is uninjured. Otherwise, or if in any doubt, medical assistance should be sought.

So now that I know how to render first aid for seizures, I do not have an excuse to wimp out the next time I meet with a similar case. I want to do better the next time round.

Why We Should Be Friends.

2008-05-15T00:40:00.015+08:00

So I was clearing some rubbish that were lying around my table for like eons. There were some study notes and a few consent forms, but the bulk of it was made up of uncompleted homework, LOTS of them. As I sifted through the pile to determine if there were any important documents which I might want to keep, I managed to excavate some priceless relics.

One of them was this letter written on a piece of crumpled and slightly yellowish Azone A4-sized paper. It was titled "Why We Should Be Friends".

The good old memories from Archester poured into my mind.

What is Archester you might ask?

The year was 1999. I was a plump nerd who joined the 1I class of River Valley High School. Everyone in the class was a stranger to me. Nonetheless, the boys bonded really quickly and before long we were like blood brothers.

We started getting really interested in soccer and eventually, we decided to form our own soccer team. After putting our heads together, it was a general consensus to settle on the name "Archester". It was a mix of the cream of the crop from the English Premier League, (Ar)senal and Man(chester). We actually considered adding Liverpool into the fray, but seriously Averchester didn't exactly sound cool, nor did Mansenapool, nor did Livchesenal. Well, you get the drift. So Archester it was, short and sharp.

Once the end-of-school bell rang, we would literally sprint to the nearby street soccer courts. It was the real reason why we came to school. The obsession was to the point where soccer was our primary duty instead of our studies. A few of us were even ranked amongst the worst students of our level academically.

Still, we didn't give a rat's ass about it. Our mind was only focused on the single act of kicking the ball into the back of the net. We were young and dangerous. Back in our heyday, we could even have conquered the world easily if we wanted to.

However, one fine day, our Form Teacher decided to break up the party. She reasoned that we were getting way out of hand and that the only way to salvage us was to split our group up and re-assign us to other classes. Our teacher had effectively puncture our balls. (This is just a figure of speech.)

Instant panic took over and Archester held emergency meetings to plan our next move. We decided to write an appeal to our teacher and prove to her that we were not being detrimental to each other, which essentially meant a well-thought pack of lies woven into a nice composition. (Pretty ingenious for a group of 14 year olds right? Yeah I know. We were THAT smart.)

So we got ourselves a piece of paper and started writing "Why We Should Be Friends". Everyone was suppose to contribute one paragraph to save our organization. Boy, was I proud of the work we did. Here is our masterpiece:

Page 1

Page 2

Needless to say, our teacher was utterly touched by the genuine friendship conveyed through our letter and we all lived happily ever after, eagerly anticipating the next end-of-school bell to ring once again.

101 Ways To Be An Idiot: Chapter 5

2008-05-08T13:46:00.006+08:00

So I woke up this morning without being awake.

Using sheer will alone, I managed to muster enough energy to lumber into the bathroom.

Still with my eyes wide shut, basic instinct took control as I attempted to bathe myself.

The bath was quite a success and it was then time for my facial wash.

I thought to myself, "Oh come on, I managed to get to the bathroom, bathe, and dry myself all with my eyes closed. It's just a facial wash, maybe I can sleep through this too..."

I proceeded to reach for the tube with my right hand and squeezed the paste into my left palm.

Then, I started to rub the paste between my palms in a circular motion.

Lastly, I applied the paste onto my beautiful face.

Nothing wrong up till this moment right?

Yeah nothing was wrong...

UNTIL I FELT THIS BURNING SENSATION ON MY FACE!

I tried to open my eyes a little to take a look at the tube of paste I just used.

Despite my face feeling like it caught on fire, my brain worked in slo-mo.

C...O...L...G...A...T...E...

COLGATE?!? Wasn't my facial wash supposed to be spelled as NIVEA?

OH MY GOD I SQUEEZED THE TUBE OF TOOTHPASTE INSTEAD OF THE TUBE OF FACIAL WASH.

I tried to douse the flames with the running tap.

I was even this close to dipping my entire head into the toilet bowl and taking a flush.

Alright, allow me to explain before all of you smart- asses go like, "Haha! Serves you right for wanting to sleep so much! None of this would have happened if you weren't so lazy!"

You have to understand that sleep is an especially important aspect of life to a fit and healthy man such as myself. I live by the mantra: "Sleep whenever we can, however we can." Otherwise, how else do we find the limitless energy needed to tackle Life's never-ending challenges?

So after this small little incident, I decided to add a little extra bit to my mantra.

"Sleep whenever you can, however you can. Maybe except not during facial wash time."

Just another chapter in... 101 Ways To Be An Idiot.

Learning The Way of... ADOBE PHOTOSHOP!

2008-05-05T16:53:00.008+08:00

As you guys might know, I recently re-ignited my interest in drawing and so have started an artblog @ http://veinity.deviantart.com/.

I've been snooping around other artists' galleries and man, the talent is mind-blowing! The digital artpieces that they can produce from Photoshop is totally insane. For example, take a look at this turkish guy's gallery @ http://kerembeyit.deviantart.com/.

Then, I thought to myself... Why stop at drawing? Why not pick up skills to abuse Adobe Photoshop too? So I searched through some tutorials online to learn how to do some basic colouring and shadowing. I also learnt how to paint some simple clouds using photoshop today.

After 5 hours of blood, sweat and tears, here's the fruit of my labour:

Long Horn in his original Black & White pencil sketch

Here's Long Horn happily at home amongst the clouds!

Isn't it amazing how much life a little bit of color can breathe into sketches? I know I'm still a long, LONG way from being good at photoshop, so I'll have to work extra hard! I hope one day I can produce pieces that are even remotely near Kerem Beyit's standard. Feeling so inspired now!

P.S. In case you're wondering, I didn't go to work today so that's why I got time on my hands to be doing stuff like this! Hahaha...

Depressing Times...

2008-05-01T12:30:00.002+08:00

Liverpool got knocked out of the Champions' League this morning.

It was an exhilarating match nonetheless, action was end-to-end.

Yet, it's precisely that knowledge of being so close to the Finals that makes it all the more depressing.

Well, better luck next year.

I'm going to cry over this for a few more days.

(Yeah, I know you're thinking: "Come on it's only just a game." You're wrong. Football is not just a game. Football is LIFE.)

101 Ways To Be An Idiot: Chapter 4!

2008-04-28T15:12:00.005+08:00

HURRAY! Everyone's favourite segment is back by popular demand! Once again, it's time for more laughs and mishaps...

So I was at Jurong Point with my baobei yesterday and had just devoured the Thai Combo Set at Bentobox. The food was great, but the lethal combination of Tom Yum Soup and Ice Lemon Tea proved too much for my teeny-weeny bladder to handle.

Therefore after the meal, I rushed to the toilet and went straight to the urinal like a homing missile locked onto its target. I was just beginning to unleash my wrath into the urinal, when a burly man took up his position in front of the urinal just beside mine.

At first I was kinda uneasy to notice that he was standing about 30 cm away from the urinal when he begun his own assault in the urinal. Alright. Up until this point in time, nothing seems to be awfully wrong right?

Although I did not foresee the repercussions of his long range artillery attack, I certainly felt it in the next second.

HIS FREAKING PISS REBOUNDED OFF THE WALLS OF THE URINAL AND A MIST OF WARM HUMAN JUICE SETTLED ONTO MY LEFT LEG!!!

I WAS TOTALLY CAUGHT OFF GUARD!!!

My response mechanism immediately kicked in. The bladder automatically shut down my internal piping system and my legs carried me to the urinal 2 units away. Then, I turned my attention over to the burly man, stared in his direction and braced myself for his apology.

He didn't even seemed to have noticed the disaster that had happened to me! Perhaps he was too concentrated on his training to break some sort of twisted Guinness World Record.

Like a cooling breeze that brought away the dew drops upon the leaves, so too was the air-conditioner, which was fast drying up the piss that was held by the fine coat of hair that grew on my legs. After giving a last burst of fire before I headed into a cubicle where I grabbed and pulled furiously for toilet paper to wipe away the vile concoction on my beautiful leg.

I learnt a valuable lesson from this. That is, if you notice someone standing 30cm (or more) away from the urinal just beside yours, turn and run for your life.

Just another chapter in... 101 Ways To Be An Idiot.

P.S. I started from Chapter 4 onwards because in the previous incarnation of this blog, I stopped at Chapter 3. If you want to read the previous chapters, just mail me $5 and I will email those chapters to you. Thank you and have a nice day!

Goodbye NUS... Hello NTU!

2008-04-25T19:17:00.004+08:00

"I regret to inform you that..."

That was the first thing I heard upon entering my house. It was my father. My spider sense immediately foretold that he had received the letter from Nanyang Technological University (NTU) regarding my admission into Communication Studies.

My heart sank.

And then I saw the letter. It was still in basking in its own majestic glory, all wrapped up in a nice little enveloped colored red and white. So now I know where I got my I-Like-To-Pull-Pranks-On-Other-People Gene from. So, I dived for the envelope and tore it open much like a starved caveman who chanced upon a piping-hot piece of KFC crispy drumstick.

"Congratulations! The University Admission Selection Committee has approved..."

Yayee~

I was seriously mentally preparing myself for rejection. Can't say I was really outstanding during the admission test cum interview. Nonetheless, Lady Luck is and always will be my BFF and this time she smiled on me yet again. Perhaps not just merely a smile, she probably LAUGH OUT LOUD-ED.

Anyways, I'm truly grateful to be accepted into Communication Studies! Because in a few months' time I can...

1) Have breakfast, brunch, lunch, high tea, low tea, dinner and supper with my baobei
2) Officially go brokeback with Jim in our warm and cozy hostel
3) Meet up with all my bestest friends and save on traveling fares

Whoo hoO~ Communication Studies here I come!!!

Alright for now I shall go and sacrifice some more nuggets to show my gratitude.

My Thesis on National Service!

2008-04-23T10:23:00.029+08:00

Since it is a rite of passage to write about your NS experience, I'll be doing this to keep the tradition going. So here it goes...

I would like to begin by stating that possibly ALL Singaporean males detest Army life except for the few who wake up in the dead of the night, put on their Full Battle Order and start marching around the bunk while they are still ASLEEP. So I'll start with the 3 reasons why the Army is a nightmare for NSFs (Full-Time National Servicemen).

First of all, for some reason, your direct superiors cannot communicate normally. Normal meaning how a person would talk to his friends/colleagues/people in general. They absolutely MUST talk to you as if you have murdered their parents and you owe them a living. Perhaps the best word to use here is not talk, I'll change that to SHOUT. Also, Army personnel don't use punctuation like commas and full-stops (although they use exclamations a lot), instead using vulgarities to replace them.

A simple statement like:
"Hey Recruit Lim, can you stop resting for a moment? Help me go fill up that Jerry Can with water."

Through the mouth of an experienced army personnel, it will become:
"Oi Recruit Lim cheebye you trying to chao geng right? Kanina faster go and fill that fucking Jerry Can with water!"

Secondly, they pretty much swing threats at you whenever the slightest mistakes are made. Trust me no sane person in this world likes to live in fear of extra duties, confinements or in the worse case scenario, DB (AKA Detention Barracks which is the army equivalent of the Changi Prison and probably the most feared acronym out of the gazillions used by the Army). Some examples include:

"How come your uniform color so faded! Wanna get extra?"

"Urinal how come got yellow stain! Wanna be confined?"

"You dare to talk back to me? Wanna go DB?"

Last but not least, there is a pretty famous mantra in the Army that goes by, "Rush to wait, wait to rush." Your superiors will typically rush you to get things done (E.G. change into PT attire, arrive at the next venue) and make it feel like the end of the world if it is not completed in an instant. But when you have finally completed the task assigned, something will crop up on their side and you will find yourself waiting for them instead. Thus, to prevent yourself from going mad just recite the above mantra in your mind like 26532 times (On average that's the amount of chants you have to do before they finally arrive).

Despite all that has been said above, I guess it is still possible to make the Army experience enjoyable, you just have to know where to look. For me, it was the people whom I got to know that made the experience so much more memorable. Like myself, the ones beside me were unwilling servants too. Although there were some tough times, it was always comforting to know that I was not alone. Somehow having your buddies go through the same shit as you, makes the process much less of a torture.

So you see, National Service isn't really so dreadful. You just have to learn to find the joy (OR you could just get an 8-5.30 posting... LIKE ME MUAHAHA!).

(Re-)Opening Ceremony of a Long Lost Friend

2008-04-22T20:17:00.006+08:00

*Brushes off the thick layer of dust that has descended upon this space*

It's been a mighty long time since I last wrote in you Mr. Great Old thefunkymunky.blogspot.com. Hope you didn't miss me as much as I missed you.

A few days ago I spelled "tomorrow" as "tml" in a letter I drafted, and in that instant, I figured it was an omen from you to me to use you again. I'm indeed in a dire need of some practice before University Life actually begins. Can't imagine how I'm going to write all those papers without getting myself to spell right.

Your humble servant is here now and bent down on his knees, begging you Mr. Great Old thefunkymunky.blogspot.com to help me find back my old self once again.

*Proceeds to sacrifice a pair of chicken wings and 2 nuggets*

101 Ways to be an Idiot.

2005-06-26T18:35:00.002+08:00

OK. This is a confession.

I did something so incredibly stupid today, it leaves me with no choice but to blog it down.

So there I was, at Bukit Merah Bus Terminal (TAKE NOTE: BUS TERMINAL), waiting for the feeder bus that would bring me home.

While waiting for the bus, I fiddled around with my Mini and banged my head to the rock'n music playing through the earphones.

I was pretty sure I looked like one of the cool kids up till this point.

That was until I noticed the bus approaching.

So I stood up... AND WAVED FOR THE BUS TO STOP.

FOR ALL OF 5 SECONDS, I WAS THERE WAVING AT THE BUS.

WHO THE HELL WAVES FOR A BUS TO STOP AT THE BUS TERMINAL.

Oh great, all that effort to play it cool was squashed within that 5 seconds of stupidity.

Those peeps behind me must be laughing at me.

I ran up the bus, and hid myself at the back.

Just another chapter in...

101 Ways to be an Idiot.